In the Lane: Academy Awards
February 9, 2007
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Bob LichtCheck out this week's LichtCast Video!
The 79th Academy Awards are Sunday, so it’s time for our annual NBA rundown on which movie titles (and/or themes) fit which teams or players so far this season:
TALLADEGA NIGHTS – THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY
THE STORY:
Race car driver Will Ferrell has a win at all costs attitude.
THE WINNER:
NEW YORK KNICKS. Owner James Dolan has outspent every other owner in the league, in many cases doubling the expenditures of other teams, obviously subscribing to the George Steinbrenner philosophy that throwing bad money after good is better than shaving salaries to obtain salary cap space. The win at all costs attitude occasionally works with George. Although Isiah has the New Yorkers on the right track they’re still below .500 and still fighting for respect at MSG.
LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
THE STORY:
Clint Eastwood’s tribute to those who lost their lives (both American and Japanese) during the Battle of Iwo Jima 61 years ago. The movie is based on found letters long after the war.
THE WINNER:
BOSTON CELTICS. The death of icon Red Auerbach, perhaps the greatest coach of any modern day professional sports team, should have been reason enough for the B’s to make their season a tribute to him with a return to the playoffs. Instead, The Celtics set a club record with 18-straight losses, their fans cheered (of all things) a Laker star (Kobe), and called for Doc Rivers’ job. It’s a different kind of battle brewing in Beantown…and the letters to the editor are now unprintable.
THE DEPARTED
THE STORY:
Two men from opposite sides of the law are undercover within the Massachusetts State Police and the Irish mafia, but violence and bloodshed boil when discoveries are made, and the moles are dispatched to find out their enemy's identities.
THE WINNER:
FRED JONES (Toronto to Portland) AND JUAN DIXON (Portland to Toronto). If you want to classify this trade as a victory, go ahead. After all of the Kidd, Carter, Gasol, Garnett, Lewis, Bynum, Bibby rumors most of us thought some HEADLINE NAMES would make the departed list on trade DEADLINE DAY. Oh well, at least the Hornets stood pat with a great lockerroom, emerging young stars, and the prospect of former all-star Peja Stojakovic returning in March.
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III
THE STORY:
Ethan Hunt comes face to face with a dangerous and sadistic arms dealer while trying to keep his identity secret in order to protect his girlfriend.
THE WINNER:
DON NELSON, GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS. Chris Mullin hires his former coach to help his former team return to the glory days of the post season, something the franchise hasn’t tasted in 13 years! Nellie is one of the all-time greatest coaches in league history, and makes it interesting with his ‘last team with the ball wins’ philosophy, but he’s no Ethan Hunt. Injuries to point guard Baron Davis and his backcourt mate Jason Richardson along with constant roster tweaking makes it an impossible mission – even for the hall of fame leader.
SUPERMAN RETURNS
THE STORY:
After a long visit to the lost remains of the planet Krypton, the Man of Steel returns to earth to become the peoples’ savior once again and reclaim the love of Lois Lane.
THE WINNER:
SHAQUILLE O’NEAL – MIAMI HEAT. Shaq misses most of the first half (must have b een exposed to Kryptonite) only to return to lead the defending champions back into the playoffs. Head coach Pat Riley is the runner up after undergoing knee surgery (strangely enough at the same time his big man went out) and taking a leave of absence. The Big Aristotle may not be as dominant as he once was, but he’s still the best big man in the game when healthy. Obviously, he reclaims the love of…his coach!
CLICK
THE STORY:
Adam Sandler finds a way to gain total control over his fast-paced, out-of-control life: a universal remote that literally works in real life! It’s every man’s dream…the ability to pause, rewind or fast forward life!
THE WINNER:
MARK CUBAN –DALLAS MAVERICKS. If anyone in the NBA has the knowledge, money, and desire to invent such a device it’s the Mavs dynamic owner. Okay, it’s not happening; but, Cuban still has the most resources to dictate his team’s fate of any other team. New York may have the money, and L.A. may have Dr. Phil, but M.C. has the hammer. How many of you remember that Dallas was the laughingstock of the all of professional sports during the 90s? They were worse than the Clippers, worse than the Hawks, worse than the Detroit Lions. Then Cuban bought the franchise. They are the model with which to build a winner in this league. He didn’t go way, way, way BEYOND (it’s a Click insider joke) to get his universal remote…he just went online and created a winning franchise!
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS
THE STORY:
Chris Gardner (Will Smith) is a bright and talented, but marginally employed salesman. Struggling to make ends meet, Gardner finds himself and his five-year-old son evicted from their San Francisco apartment with nowhere to go. When Gardner lands an internship at a prestigious stock brokerage firm, he and his son endure many hardships, including living in shelters, in pursuit of his dream of a better life for the two of them.
THE WINNER:
NEW ORLEANS/OKLAHOMA CITY HORNETS. The Hornets are the runaway winners of this year’s honor after evacuating New Orleans prior to the 2005-2006 season, landing in Oklahoma City, playing a second season in OKC for 2006-2007, and then announcing they will return to the Big Easy full-time for the next NBA season. The Bees have endured many hardships, including living part time in a city that never had major league sports before. Oklahoma surprises the league by purchasing more tickets.
FAILURE TO LAUNCH
THE STORY:
A thirtysomething slacker suspects his parents of setting him up with his dream girl so he'll finally vacate their home.
THE WINNER:
COREY MAGGETTE – CLIPPERS. I know, he’s not in his thirties and he’s not really a slacker. But, Maggette has worn out his welcome in L.A. and his head coach prefers that he vacate their home locker room. It’s possible things could still work out between Dunleavy Sr. and the gifted swingman, but it’s more likely the description of their relationship mirrors that of the movie title above.
THE BREAKUP
THE STORY:
In a bid to keep their luxurious condo from their significant other, a couple's break-up proceeds to get uglier and nastier by the moment.
THE WINNER:
PAU GASOL – MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES. First the Grizzlies all-star center breaks a bone in his foot during the FIBA World Games and misses nearly two months of the season. Second, Memphis tumbles in the standings forcing Jerry West to fire coach Mike Fratello. Third, Gasol requests a trade, fearing a multi-year rebuilding program, a change in ownership, and a general feeling of claustrophobia brought upon by ping pong balls.
